dis-connected

You know sometimes I sit and look around while driving in our Mercedes vans and feel so dis-connected with Libya. I have no love for the place or people. I have no history of interest in Africa. In fact I never imagined that I’d work in Africa. But somehow, despite all this, I’m here. Yet, I’m not connecting. At times, I think it’s ok and at other times, I think it’s selfish of me to live and earn off this land and yet remain so far removed. To a great degree, we are not allowed to interact with this place on a personal level. For obvious reasons – Firstly, the security situation, especially for women is dangerous… The harassment is getting worse, not better.

For example: Taken from Lindsey’s monthly update: Last Thursday night, Marie and me were walking home around 8:30 pm. a group of young guys punched at my face and laughed and kept walking while a group of older libyan women looked on, horrified, but not saying a word of reproach to the fucking loser men. then, 30 seconds later, a car full of guys pulls up and follows us, screaming "welcome to libya, bitches, i want to fuck you!" and so forth. at this point, marie screams (top of her lungs) "fuck off!" which upsets them even more (we insulted their honor, how dare we?) and so they follow us for about a half mile. When we reach our hotel, they pull in to the curb and start screaming at us again, so it was my turn to look at them and scream "fuck off!" and they get even more upset and then i got behind their car and started to take down their license plates and at that, they sped off. we'll see what the libyan police do about it, probably nothing.

The next day, after this incident, I was riding in the Mercedes van, looking out the window, watching the Libyan world go by, with disdain. And I felt irritated because as I searched my heart, there was nothing positive in it for this land, people, and culture – perhaps only pity. I try and do what I can. I’ve been taking Arabic, visiting historic areas, eating the food but despite all this…I have no love. I remember my first 2 months in India way back in 2004. I went through a similar experience and can remember telling myself one morning to only focus on the positives – to not speak of the negatives, and before I knew it…I loved India with all my heart and lived there for the following 5 years. Now, I had a lot of expectations of India even before touching down – I’d been studying it and falling in love with it for a good year and half leading up to it. But who knows…perhaps the same thing will happen here…maybe…maybe not. But in the meantime…I got myself a kitty over the weekend. 3 months old, Siberian kitty cat – cute as can be, named: Sophia. Am very happy about this and maybe…she could be the key to my connection to Libyana!