in Dubai...feeling blessed and angry...!

So I’m in Dubai now after a fantastic flight from India. Kakoo came to the rescue and even though I was over weight by almost 12 kgs, I made it through and at that on business class. I left India in style…yet with tears in my eyes. And for some reason, God was on my side. Every person I interacted with had a sparkle in their eyes and met me with kindness. In fact, I met a lady from Brazil named Maria Louiza. Things now are back to normal. I’ve checked in, no upgrade and am met with nastiness of tired travelers and underpaid Emirates staff who think they come from royal linage because they work in Dubai. Kinda pisses me off…and some how I’ve already lost the kindness that India developed in me. Already my mind is floating with negative statements like, “what was she thinking when she put that on”, or “people from that country…are just slow…slow in everything they do…can’t they pick up the speed and not make everyone wait because they can’t follow instructions”…I’m dreading it….going back to America. I told this guy on the plane (Indian origin, Jharkhand – who’d been living in Zambia for 6 years and now on his way to Brazil) that I just don’t even feel American anymore. I don’t want to be excited about Obama…I don’t want to hear the same old cliché’s. I don’t want to look at the guy or lady next to me and know that I look exactly the same way…except feel worlds apart. It’s like I’m angry with the people from where I come from, for some reason… I feel angry. I feel irritated…and I don’t want to know what everyone is saying… I don’t want to know what to expect. I like being different…I like seeing others as different. Perhaps…I’m scared of who I really am…and also scared to really know who others are… Some how it feels safer with a little mystery…